Telling nursery stories to little kids?
Well, yes...that was and is my big personal discovery and I'll tell you why.
I have spent the last 25 years negotiating deals and studying interpersonal conflict via books and direct observation. Most interpersonal conflict is not unlike a medieval battle. One side wants something and the other side won't provide it, so each side lines up, shoots their arrows, charges their mounted knights and hit each other with sharp objects. The goal is some form of submission. And the correlation between the two is that at some point both sides have decided to sideline the discussion and proceed to beat each other senseless, undoing years of good orthodontics and attention to flossing.
Part of the problem is that we get very defensive, very quickly, stop listening and let a sense of entitlement take over. We fear honest debate and the give and take it involves.
Before this gets too touchy feely for some of you, let me also say this. I do not believe anyone should be a doormat and there are times when molars need to be relocated, however it is the exception not the rule.
So...how do you get through to people in a way that prevents the barriers from going up?
A number of years ago, I was doing a seminar for some medical professionals. It took place at a resort and so, I lugged all my chart papers and my easel down there. I was excited about this seminar because I put a lot of time into trying to make a boring topic exciting. Well, about half way through the seminar, I looked up to see all the excited people looking back at me, heck I was excited and of course they were excited too??
Uh, no. They were not.. excited. As I looked out into the audience, I saw feet up on the table, side conversations going on, one guy was doodling a war scene and a couple people were nodding off. Ugh. For those of you who don't know, that is when you get this really unique cold chill and you realize that you might be alone in the walk-in freezer.
One of the new things I had planned for this seminar was the telling of a story, to illustrate a point. So, from my place in the walk-in freezer, I began to tell the story. I was looking down as I told it and at some point in the story, I looked up and into the audience. They were listening, they were focused and listening. No doodling, no side conversations. They were connected ...to the story.
I finished the story and thought to myself, "AHA!, Now I have them and I can finish the program strong." Nope. As soon as I finished the story and went back to my material, I went back into the freezer. But I learned a lesson.
People connect through story. My biggest and ongoing realization is that adults connect with stories as much or more than kids do. When I began to use story exclusively as a vehicle for learning, I used to worry when I saw someone coming into the room talking on a blackberry, eagerly pursuing the business of their day. I assumed that I would not be able to reach them with story. What I have found is that once reminded that our imaginations are still there, that they still work, adults enjoy story perhaps on a deeper level than younger listeners, maybe because they have a lifetime of experiences to color the story in their minds eye.
This blog is about story. The uses of story, how we are connected by our stories and the value of knowing your own story.
Until the next Once Upon A Time...
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